Purple Planet
by sg1psychopath
Summary: SG-1 get painted purple. FEEDBACK PLEASE!!!!


Purple Planet Summary: This is in response to the challenge below.  
  
Challenge #1,928 (Added May 15, 2002)  
  
The idea for this came to me in a dream so sorry if it's a bit weird. Must have: 1. Blood-Sucking Butterflies.  
  
2. A totally purple and yellow planet.  
  
3. The team are painted purple and yellow.  
  
4. Sam gets obsessed with anything fizzy or bubbly.  
  
5. Jack keeps falling over.  
  
6. Lots of funny stuff.  
  
7. Someone saying "What the hell is that?!"  
  
8. And someone else replying "Well dooooooooooooooooooor its a purple moose!"  
  
9. And last but not least dancing frogs and rabbits. I did say it was weird!! Please please please tell me if you write this. Submitted by Emu  
  
SG-1 appeared out of the Stargate.  
  
"AT LAST!" Jack shouted, "A PLANET THAT'S NOT GREEN!!!!"  
  
"This is scientifically impossible!"  
  
"So? At least it's not green."  
  
"There should be no air here."  
  
"Who cares? Purple and yellow is slightly better than green!"  
  
"If you say so Jack, to me it's rather blinding, I prefer the shades of green, much kinder on the eyes."  
  
"Indeed."  
  
"What the hell is that?"  
  
Daniel pointed into the yellow trees that were growing out of the purple grass.  
  
"Well dooooooooooooooor, it's a purple moose."  
  
"Right."  
  
"Sir, it appears that we've gated to a totally purple and yellow planet."  
  
"YESSSS, NO GREEN."  
  
"Great."  
  
Whilst SG-1 were stood talking, the purple moose had bounded up to them.  
  
"Um, Sir, we have a slight moose situation here."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"Well, it licked my hand and it seems to have turned it purple."  
  
"Carter, don't be stupid!"  
  
"I'm not Sir, look."  
  
Sam stuck out her hand.  
  
"My God Carter, it's true."  
  
Meanwhile, another moose had wandered over to them. This one was yellow.  
  
"Umm, Jack."  
  
"What, I'm kinda busy here?"  
  
Jack was vigorously rubbing Sam's hand with several protests from her.  
  
"I seem to be turning yellow."  
  
"What?"  
  
Jack spun round and looked at Daniel. It appeared that the yellow moose had licked him and he had yellow stripes all over him. The purple moose then wandered over and licked in the places that the yellow moose missed. The result was a stripy Daniel.  
  
"Oh for cryin' out loud!"  
  
"I suggest that we return to Earth."  
  
"Good idea Teal'C, I don't particularly want anybody else to become purple and yellow striped."  
  
SG-1 headed away from the moose, back towards the Stargate. In front of them appeared a whole heard of purple and yellow moose. There were so many that they couldn't get away, and as a result, they all ended up with purple and yellow stripes.  
  
"Well this is just brilliant. Let's get out of here."  
  
"Um, there's another problem there."  
  
"What?"  
  
Sam pointed towards the 'gate. Surrounding it were some massive butterflies. They were all different shades of yellow and purple and none of them had the same pattern.  
  
As SG-1 got nearer to the Stargate, the butterflies flew up to them and started landing on them. Jack started running about. That didn't work. Two incredibly bright and large butterflies settled themselves on his legs. They bit him.  
  
"Ouch, they bit me. Do butterflies even have teeth?"  
  
"Ouch, it appears that they do Sir."  
  
"Great."  
  
"Um, Jack, if I were you I'd try to get them off me, they appear to be sucking your blood."  
  
"Well that's just great."  
  
The butterflies took off. Jack crumbled into a heap on the floor.  
  
"Are you Ok Sir?"  
  
"What do you think Carter?"  
  
"Well, ouch. One bit me."  
  
The butterflies had by now landed on each member of SG-1.  
  
"Let's get out of here, Carter, dial it up."  
  
Sam did as she was told. When she turned around again, all of the moose and the butterflies had disappeared."  
  
"Where'd they go?"  
  
"That's a very good question Carter."  
  
"Wow, I really fell like a fizzy drink."  
  
"Ouch."  
  
As Jack started walking again, he fell over.  
  
"Jack, are you all right?" "What do you think? Hey, Carter, what are you doing?"  
  
Sam had got out her canteen and was shaking it vigorously. When she stopped, she opened it and put her ear to the opening.  
  
"It's fizzy and bubbly, it sounds cool."  
  
"Anyway, it seems that Carter and I are the only ones effected by those stupid things."  
  
"I am unaffected, probably due to my symbiote."  
  
"And I have no idea why they didn't effect me."  
  
"Carter, any ideas?"  
  
"Ohhh, all fizzy, bubbles. I like bubbles."  
  
"Right, Teal'C, get her to the 'gate. Daniel, dial it up, I'll be there in a minute."  
  
Jack started walking towards the Stargate again. And fell over. He picked himself up again, after a couple more steps, he fell over again. This carried on until he finally reached the Stargate. They all stepped through and appeared on Earth.  
  
General Hammond looked at them and had to stop himself from bursting out laughing. This had to be the funniest sight that he had ever seen. His best team, were stood at the top of the ramp. All of them were purple and yellow and stripy, Jack kept falling over and Sam was going on about fizzing and bubbles. Daniel was normal, as was Teal'C, who looked completely unfazed by the matter.  
  
"What on Earth happened SG-1?"  
  
"It's a long story."  
  
"Well I think you better all go and get cleaned up, and then let Dr Fraiser examine you. We'll debrief when you all feel ready."  
  
SG-1 disappeared out of the 'gate room and headed towards the showers. Hammond couldn't hold his laughter in a second longer. After a few seconds, the rest of the personnel in the room also started laughing uncontrollably. They had seen some strange things, but none were as strange as this.  
  
**********  
  
In the shower room, the male members of SG-1 were scrubbing and scrubbing at themselves to try and get the colouring off their skin. It had seemed to spread under their clothing so that they were completely covered. Jack still kept falling over. Sam was stood outside shouting for them to get a move on. After half an hour she just gave up.  
  
"I'm coming in everyone, make sure you're out of sight, I'm just fed up of being this colour, and I want to hear the showers closer, they make good noises."  
  
Jack appeared out of the showers with a towel wrapped round his waist, still looking as purple and yellow as ever.  
  
"It won't work. You know how long we've been in here and we're all still looking like purple and yellow zebras."  
  
"Great, well that's just fantastic."  
  
"Carter, stop sounding like me!"  
  
"Sorry Sir."  
  
Sam had by now undressed to her tank top and trousers. Daniel appeared out of the showers and immediately began to blush.  
  
"Oh, Sam, I didn't know you were in here."  
  
"I shouted loud enough!"  
  
"Well, I'd better go."  
  
"What's the point? It's not like we haven't seen each other in our underwear before!"  
  
"I know, but."  
  
"But what?"  
  
"Don't worry."  
  
"I'm about to have a nice fizzy shower so if you wouldn't mind turning around a moment."  
  
Both Jack, Daniel and Teal'C did as they were told. Sam stripped off and quickly wrapped a towel around herself.  
  
"It's safe now."  
  
SG-1 turned back around as Sam headed towards the showers.  
  
"It won't even fade!"  
  
Half an hour later, SG-1 were sat in the infirmary, being tested with everything possible.  
  
"Well, the good news is that you're all fit and healthy."  
  
"And the bad?"  
  
"There isn't any, apart from the fact that you'll be purple for a while, and that Sam and Jack will have their.side effects.for a while until they wear off naturally."  
  
"Great, I'm going to fall over every second and Carter is going to make no sense whatsoever. Great."  
  
"Well, there is nothing else I can do for you so you better go and de- brief."  
  
"We're supposed to walk through the SGC looking like this?"  
  
Jack waved at him and his team.  
  
"I'm afraid that I can't see any alternative Colonel."  
  
Jack sighed and headed towards the briefing room, falling over several times on the way.  
  
********  
  
In the briefing room, SG-1 sat around the table feeling very sorry for themselves.  
  
"I'm sorry SG-1, but I see no alternative than to go back to the planet and try to find a cure for your....problems."  
  
"But.!"  
  
"Colonel, this might be the only way you're going to be able to get back to being normal again!"  
  
"Well, if you put it that way!"  
  
SG-1 got up and ran to the 'gate room to head back to the planet.  
  
The sight that met them on the other side was a very strange one. There were dancing frogs and rabbits parading around the Stargate. SG-1 looked very confused and just stared at each other. After a few moments, the dancing animals started dancing closer and closer to SG-1. They were surrounded.  
  
Once the creatures had got so close to SG-1 that they could hardly breathe, they jumped on each one of them. This seemed to case SG-1 to return to their normal selves. Sam stopped talking gibberish and Jack managed to stand up for longer than 30 seconds. They had also gone back to their normal colours. The animals had disappeared and the planet looked like any other again. The team just looked at each other and headed back through the 'gate.  
  
FEEDBACK PLEASE. Also, this hasn't been betad because of the rush to post it. I will re-post it once it has. Sorry it is completely stupid but it was the challenge. 


End file.
